Are You In A Healthy Relationship? Here Are Five Things To Look For
Don’t think for a second that the couples you see on Instagram aren’t arguing about which shower curtain to buy. Because they are. Every relationship comes with its own obstacles, even yours. The good news is relationships come with a lot of good parts, too. You only have to pay attention.
What does a healthy relationship look like?
A healthy relationship looks and feels like whatever you say it looks and feels like. There’s no golden rule or model when it comes to what a healthy relationship should look like.
If you’re in a relationship and you’re happy, that’s a good chunk of a healthy relationship. But when doubts start forming and clouding your happiness, it's typical to get antsy about the details of your relationship.
This is a great time to find the root of your doubts, not to panic or assume the worst.
Your relationship, no matter how healthy it is, will not always be sunshine and rainbows. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Every relationship is its own mystery to solve. And there are dozens of characteristics that factor into the health of a relationship.
There are five keys to a healthy relationship that reveal a safe and healthy romantic environment.
Open communication. Communication is crucial in a relationship but so is understanding what the other person is saying. When partners talk about fears, hopes, dreams, and desires without judgement, everyone is on the same page.1
Acts of intimacy. Everyone has their own love language. It’s important to be able to show the other person you care about them without telling them. In this case, healthy intimacy is all about the details.
Connectedness. Being able to express a genuine interest in the other person’s life, their day-to-day, makes them feel seen and appreciated. Asking about their day or making it a point to cook together are both easy ways to remain in each other’s loop.
Sense of identity. Even in a relationship, you’re still you. Make time to show yourself love and do things that make you happy outside of your relationship. Your partner can’t be your only source of fulfillment, and you can’t be theirs. Encourage individualism.
Safe disagreements. Creating a safe environment to disagree will allow both of you to express differing views without fear of any backlash. It’s natural to have different opinions. The idea is to communicate openly and be able to come to a resolution that fits your relationship style.2
It’s okay if your relationship doesn’t include each characteristic at once or only three of them, ever. These are simply five characteristics that mark a healthy relationship.
Not the only characteristics that do.
Are there qualities to avoid in a partner?
There are some less desirable qualities in a partner to keep an eye out for, for the sake of your wellbeing. While these traits don't always appear as the most extreme, take any notice of them seriously.
Manipulative. Manipulation is a spectrum. People use different manipulation tactics to get different things. While manipulation is generally harmless, it's no longer so if you experience belittling, shaming, blaming, or comparing in your relationship.3
Verbally abusive. When the person you’re with uses ugly or hurtful language towards you, they’re being verbally abusive. One in every three young people reports experiencing some form of verbal abuse. If you feel uncomfortable by what your partner is saying to you, listen to the discomfort. You don’t need to make excuses for their behavior.4
Physically abusive. Exactly what you’re thinking. If your partner hits you in any sort of non-playful, non-consensual way, then it's considered physical abuse.
Any time you have a bad feeling about someone or a situation, your intuition is taking care of you. Listen to it! It’ll tell you when to bail on a relationship or a first date.
If you ever recognize any of these three qualities in a potential partner or your current partner, talk to someone about it.
What are the benefits of a healthy relationship?
Other than the blissful state of awareness that your relationship is happy and strong, being in a healthy relationship is known to come with some wonderful benefits.
Less stress. Your personal stress levels decrease when you aren't dealing with conflict in your relationship on a regular basis.5
Reduces isolation. Your partner may annoy you like nobody else can but that sense of togetherness actually lowers your risk of depression.6
Longer life. Being in a happy, long-term relationship strengthens your social ties. And your strong social ties is what keeps you alive longer.7
Healthy habits. Your partner brings out the best in you so you begin to develop and encourage healthier habits.
Healthy relationships reap benefits that make pursuing them that much more desirable. Engaging in a couple summit can expose you to the truth about your partner and your relationship. It can give you valuable insight into what your next steps should truly be.
Your next steps may look like marriage, having children, exploring the world, or going your separate ways.
While the research we did has to do with romantic relationships, there are many types of love. Any relationship in your life that’s healthy and happy is worth exploring and nurturing.