How and Why to Decide Not to Slide

Have you reached that point in your relationship when you need to progress to the next level? 

Do you plan to get into an exclusive relationship? Move-in together? Decide to have children?

There are several other critical phases in every relationship and we need to make conscious decisions about moving to the next step rather than just sliding. 

But what exactly is the difference between sliding and deciding?

Sliding refers to taking the convenient route in your relationship, mostly to go along with your partner. When you’re deciding, you take time to think about the consequences of your decisions, weigh the pros and cons, voice out your opinion, discuss and reach a mutually agreeable conclusion.

But is sliding so bad? What happens when one or both partners are sliding in a relationship? Let’s find out.

Why Should You Not Slide?

Let’s imagine a situation where your partner wants to live together before getting married. This is a situation that’s becoming common and so you say ‘yes’ without thinking. You don’t think about where you’re going to say, how you’re going to commute, how the bills will be split and several other details.

You believe that the convenient answer here is to agree with what your partner says and wing it out without thinking. But when you move in, you start to realize that there are a lot of problems that you aren’t prepared for. 

And this can start the downfall of your relationship.

This is a small example of how sliding into a relationship can mess the whole thing up.

There are times when sliding can lead to other problems:

• When you realize that your partner is getting their way with most decisions, you may feel angry.

• You may not voice your concerns or opinions and can soon start feeling neglected and unheard.

• Even when you agree to stuff you actually don’t enjoy doing, you may start developing stress and anxiety whenever you’re with your partner.

• You may even develop low self-esteem when you see that your opinions or thoughts are not getting executed. 

Why Should You Decide?

Contrary to what happens when sliding, deciding the direction of the relationship gives you confidence. You’ll feel empowered when you voice your thoughts and be heard by your partner.

In a study published in the NCBI, it’s found that partners who have open and honest decision-making processes and found to have “more dedication to their partners, higher satisfaction with the relationship, and fewer extra-dyadic involvements.”

When both partners sit down to talk and decide, the relationship will take a healthy turn.

• Collaboration and open communication lines will bolster your relationship.

• You’ll be much happier than ever when you can decide how you want to move to the next phase.

• Since you’ll have open conversations about your relationship and decisions, you can deepen your connection.

• You’ll also be able to understand your partner better than ever and help them to understand your side too.

How to Decide and Not Slide in a Relationship

1. Make Time to Talk Discuss Your Future

Honest conversations are the key to moving from sliding to deciding. Be open about how you see your relationship six months, a year, or 5 years from now. Discuss how you feel about moving to the next stage.

If you aren’t ready to move to the next phase of life, be open about it. Have a healthy conversation about your expectations and desires.

2. Take Time to Listen to Your Partner

You don’t want your partner sliding through your relationship. So when you decide, you need to listen to your partner too.

Ask them about their plans, how they see the relationship’s future, and if they are ready to take the next step. Listen to what they have to say and discuss before you decide.

3. Reflect on Each Other’s Views

While no relationship is free from conflicts, most conflicts can be avoided if we respect each other’s opinions.

So respect each other’s feelings, nervousness, anxiety and give time for both to be equally ready. No partner should push the other to slide into something they don’t want to in the first place.

If you or your partner has any apprehensions, then sit them down and discuss. Get each other’s points of view and reflect on all possibilities to go forward in the relationship — in a manner that’s comfortable for both.

To open the discussions of your partner’s expectations and future plans, you can use our Couple Goal Digital Workbook. This will help you create a comfortable space for both to share their dreams and visions and have an honest and healthy conversation to decide and not slide.