Every so often you update the software on your computer and put oil into your car—that is, you maintain the finer things you have in life. Relationships are beautiful things, but they need to be maintained and strengthened over time. You cannot commit to another person just to stay stagnant for the years ahead. When the seasons change, relationships change, and one way to navigate the ups and downs is by fostering deep conversations and understanding empathy.

It isn't easy to jump into a hard conversation with your partner, so we're going to explain a few ways you can ease into having deep, connective conversations with the person you love. Although it might seem very daunting to broach sensitive or difficult topics, it is much easier to do when you check in with your partner beforehand.

We are going to talk about relationship check ins (a super productive practice) and more, here. We'll begin by discussing why meaningful conversations are important, then we'll talk about how to ask open-ended questions to foster empathy and depth and what questions you should ask. By the end, you'll feel empowered to connect with your partner in ways that will surely enhance your relationship.

Why Are Meaningful Conversations Important?

When it comes down to it, a relationship is much more intimate when couples are able to have conversations that go beyond surface level topics. Couples that have meaningful conversations together trust each other, value each other's opinions and beliefs, and are eager to grow with each other. If you're ready to take steps toward a stronger bond and more intimacy with your partner, read on because we're going to outline how to initiate deep conversations.

Tips for Starting Meaningful Conversations

To initiate evocative conversations with your partner, you have to be willing to open your mind and accept that the act will be challenging at times. Growth is hard. It can be uncomfortable to change, especially if you're not used to speaking with intention and vulnerability. Whether you're familiar with how to conduct a hard conversation or you're new to the endeavor, these are some tips everyone in a relationship can benefit from adopting:

1. Align Expectations

Before you and your partner start engaging in deeper conversations, you need to talk about what it would look like to engage in deeper conversations. If you're noticing a disconnect in your relationship, and you're looking to strengthen your bond, explain to your partner that you're ready to focus on intimacy through conversation.

Sometimes your partner might not be ready to dig deeper. If this is the case, ask questions and figure out a compassionate plan to change this. Ensure that there is consent from both parties—when there is consent, you're ready to begin.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Rather than sticking to yes or no queries, delve deeper by asking questions that invite thoughtful responses. Explore topics like work stress or shared memories to spark meaningful dialogue.

Instead of asking your partner "Did you work on your ongoing project at work today?" or "Was the leftover lasagna you packed for lunch tasty?" avoid asking questions that have 'yes' or 'no' answers.

To dig deeper into what is going on at work, you might ask things like "How is your ongoing project affecting your stress levels?" or "Is your ongoing project challenging your perspective on your industry?"

Now, in regards to food and leftovers, you might ask something like "Is there a dish or a dessert that we can make together that reminds you of your upbringing?" or "What memories have you made in the kitchen?"

3. Embrace Vulnerability

If you're going to ask your partner open-ended questions, you should expect that your partner asks you open-ended questions back. You can't expect your partner to divulge their feelings if you aren't ready to reciprocate. Enter difficult conversations with the intention of sharing things that might be hard.  

4. Avoid Assumptions

For couples who have been together awhile—or even couples who are in the beginning stages of a relationship—resist the urge to assume you know everything about your partner. You never know what your partner feels because feelings change and they are a completely separate individual.

Let your partner express themselves and don't cut them off with judgements that you believe to be true. You might think that your partner feels a certain way about their family or the city you live in, but you won't really know what they're feeling in that moment unless you let them speak for themselves from the heart.

5. Be Empathetic.

To be empathetic means to be someone who can hold and relate to another person's feelings. When your partner answers a hard question, don't deflect and talk about yourself. Acknowledge that your partner feels a certain way, and always make sure that they know that you care about them.

What Meaningful Questions Can I Ask?

You're now familiar with how to enter hard conversations, and you're also familiar with how to conduct yourself during these conversations. But even so, you might be asking "What questions should I ask my partner?" Every couple will want to talk about different things, but here are some open-ended questions to ask your partner to foster conversations:

• What are some stressors currently impacting your life?

• How do you think we could improve our relationship?

• Can you recall a time when you felt let down by me? What occurred, and how can we prevent it from happening again?

• Tell me about an event that profoundly affected you. How did it shape you?

• If we were to have an ideal date night, what activities would we engage in?

• How do you see our lives unfolding in 5 years? And in 20 years?

• What brings a smile to your face?

• Is there a particular song that reminds you of us? What does it evoke for you?

Again, these are just a few questions you might ask, and always remember that if you can't think of questions yourself, it's okay. In many instances, it's good to ask questions to your partner that you wouldn't have thought of yourself—so you all couples might benefit from getting their friends to write-down questions or purchasing a conversation deck.

Get Intimate, Start Asking Questions

Talking matters. Getting intimate matters. Your relationship matters. It can be uncomfortable to begin having hard conversations, but you have to work at it, just like you have to work at having a strong relationship. To transition into having natural deep conversations with your partner, try implementing marriage or relationship check ins into your routine. 

Whether you're married, dating, or engaged, you and your partner's bond will be stronger if you participate in regular relationship check ins. Check ins make it easier to delve into deep conversations—which are important if you want to maintain a joyful and trust-filled relationship.

If you're ready to get deep, you're ready to try out our new conversation card deck for couples, which is coming out soon.