How to Cultivate Independence in a Relationship
At the beginning of a relationship, all you would love to do is spend more time together. You want to go out together, watch movies together, eat meals together, attend parties together and be bored together. And it’s completely natural to feel so.
But as your relationship grows, this codependency can translate to clinginess and eventually fatigue and monotony. Too much reliance on your partner can steal the independence of each other and lead to sourness.
A relationship is not just about cultivating strong relationships but also about who you are when you aren’t together.
Successful relationships have space for both partners to grow, learn, make mistakes, recover and become better individuals.
Here’s how you can be independent and still be in a happy relationship.
5 Ways to Develop Independence in a Romantic Relationship
1. Have a Sense of Self
Who are you outside the relationship?
What are your values and beliefs?
How do you want to progress in your life?
You can start by self-analyzing yourself, your likes, dislikes, personal choices and beliefs as an individual. Remove your partner from the equation for a second and see if you still recognize who you truly are. If not, this individuality is what you need to get in touch with.
Understand who you are without your partner. Identify your true self and embrace your emotions. Explore where the boundary ends with you as a partner and starts with you as an individual. This is the identity you need to own.
2. Create Your Own Space
When you’ve gotten in touch with your true self, then it’s time to create your space.
If you’ve been relying on your partner for so long, then this can be hard to begin with.
Start small by allocating an hour or two every week to do stuff alone. It may be as simple as going to a cafe to read a book, working on some personal project or taking a walk in the park.
Create small rituals that you do for your own mind space and no other. This will become your inner sanctuary.
As you become more in touch with what you feel, you'll soon start enjoying the space you've created for yourself. Keep your space free from compromise by maintaining firm boundaries.
3. Build Your Own Hobbies/Personal Projects
This is critically important for every relationship. As much as we love to do stuff together, it’s equally important to have something we like to do alone.
But that doesn’t mean that you need to completely shut your partner off from your hobby or project. If your partner wants to pop in and see what you’re doing or tag along with you once in a while, that’s fine. It would even be great for your partner to see you as an individual full of passion.
Your hobby or project can be something simple as collecting coins, going rock climbing or developing your passion project. If this is something you love to do, then it wouldn’t matter if your partner is doing it with you or not.
4. Make Time for Other People in Your Life
Some get so consumed with their current relationship that they tend to ignore their family and friends.
A healthy relationship should be able to make each other happy outside of that relationship too.
Your happiness shouldn’t just be dependent on one person. Such extreme dependence on one partner can lead to too much built-up pressure and can even make some partners pull away.
Before you cross that unhealthy line, check yourself. Make plans to go out with your friends. Travel alone. Spend time with your family. Make new friends at your workplace, gym or cafe and foster new friendships.
Your life shouldn’t revolve around one person. Instead, when you spend time with other people, you’ll be surprised to see a side of yourself that’s so independent and self-sufficient.
5. Establish Financial Independence
Most married couples share their expenditure and many have joint bank accounts. And that’s fine as long as both the couples have independence in spending.
You can either have your own savings bank account and a joint account for common expenditure. Or just split the common expenses at the end of the month. This way, you’ll still have your own bank account to spend as you wish.
The key to making this work is to be transparent about your expenses, savings and investment. You’ll be in charge of your money and don’t have to be answerable to anyone for what you spend.
This financial independence is the foundation for establishing your personal space and empowers you to be self-reliant.
Every relationship has its pits and falls and every person is unique. Two confident, independent individuals can make a better relationship that’s exciting, fulfilling and lasting. Understand where you stand, what you need in your life and take steps to aid in your personal growth.
