When you're hanging out with your girlfriends, connecting at an emotional level is easy—you all just seem to "click" without there being any awkwardness or roadblocks. But, sometimes, connecting with men is just harder. A lot of women ask, "How can I connect with my boyfriend/husband on a deeper level?" This question is a good one because men are conditioned to shy away from vulnerability. Plus, everyone is conditioned to think that relationships should be easy and effortless—which just isn't the case. So, let's talk about how to start a relationship check-in with your partner.

Relationship check-ins can be fun. These help you and your partner can connect better than ever before! Although everyone can utilize the tips discussed here—regardless of your gender identity or sexual orientation—they are particularly helpful if you're trying to get through to your male partner.

A cropped shot of a man clasping a woman's hands tightly showing comfort or support — Learn how to start a relationship check-in to enhance your connection.

What Is a Relationship Check-In, and Why Is It Important?

A relationship check-in is a scheduled conversation between partners. At a relationship check-in, you and your partner will have the space to talk about the current state of the relationship—it's a time when you can both get vulnerable and talk about the things that are pressing in your relationship. This sounds super intimidating, but it really isn't. Relationship check-ins help you understand each other's needs and concerns, fostering a healthy relationship.

Here's why relationship check-ins are so important:

They Give You a Space to Talk through Disagreements: Relationship check-ins are supposed to be safe spaces for disagreement. Couples thrive when they can work through healthy conflicts, so regular relationship check-ins are so important because they help you practice conflict resolution.
You Can Talk about What's Going Well: You don't have to spend your entire relationship check-in talking about what your concerns are in your relationship. You can discuss what's going well in the relationship so that you both feel validated by your successes.
You'll Feel Closer to Your Partner: At the end of the day, you're supposed to feel closer to your partner after having a relationship check-in. Feeling loved and appreciated by your significant other is crucial, and relationship check-ins can help you feel this way.

Beautiful blonde woman longingly looking at her husband, who is facing the other direction while both are seated beside each other — Are you wondering, *“How can I connect with my partner on a deeper level?”*

The Benefits of Having a Relationship Check-In

Let's go into more detail about a few benefits that will come when you have relationship check-ins with your partner:

Each Partner Will Communicate Better: You'll find that you two will be able to communicate better, and you'll understand each other better.
The Chemistry Between You Two Will Increase: You and your partner will feel more emotional intimacy and connection.
Your Problem-Solving Skills Will Improve: You and your partner will be able to identify and solve problems faster.
You and Your Partner Will Be More Trusting: Relationship check-ins will help you and your partner feel mutual trust.

All these benefits sound great, but you're probably thinking, "How do I initiate a successful relationship check-in, especially if I am talking with my male partner?" We're all about making things easier for you, so let's go through some steps that will make setting up your first relationship check-in super seamless.

A heterosexual couple facing each other and having an intimate conversation outdoors on a sunny day — Relationship check-ins help you build a stronger bond with your partner.

How to Start a Relationship Check-In

To have a successful relationship check-in, both parties need to understand that relationship check-ins are about growth and mutual happiness. Don’t aim to have a "winner" in a relationship check-in; make sure you both leave the meeting satisfied. Relationship check-ins ensure that you don't push off difficult conversations—they're meant to help you foster healthy conversations. Here's how you can prepare for your first relationship check-in:

Set a Time and a Place: Find a time that works for both you and your partner. You want to ensure that you're both free and, even more importantly, you want each partner to be in the right headspace to have a check-in. Don't schedule a relationship check-in on a long workday, for example.
Get Rid of Distractions: Many women agree their male partners easily get distracted by video games, TV shows, or even the pet dog. Turn off the sports game and put your phones on silent—ladies, don't get distracted, either!
Have Clear Expectations Set: It can be frustrating if your partner expects to talk for ten minutes and you want to talk for an hour. Before the meeting even starts, agree on how long it should take so that neither of you is disappointed or confused during the meeting.
Use Conversation Cards: Your first relationship check-in might be uncomfortable because you might not know what questions to ask your partner. To make the check-in a little bit easier, use conversation cards. We offer helpful conversation cards that can take the pressure off your relationship check-in—check them out for yourself!

Young Black couple sitting together on a sofa, holding cups, and having a serious discussion — Relationship check-ins help you understand each other's needs and concerns.

10 Questions to Start a Conversation

If you're unsure where to start during your relationship check-in, begin here! Use these questions to start your check-in:

What are our personal goals this week?
What is your favorite thing about our relationship right now?
How may we prioritize quality time together amidst our busy schedules?
What are your main stressors right now? How may I help?
How may we create more time for romance this week?
What's something new you want to learn or try together this week?
What are your fears about this relationship/relationship check-in?
What's one topic that you've been avoiding talking about with me?
Are we working together well to keep the house clean/the bills paid?
What are your goals for our relationship?

As you navigate these topics, know that it's crucial for you to respond with empathy and be an active listener. Ensure that your body language is alert (nod your head, make eye contact, and sit up straight). Also, always acknowledge that you care about how your partner is feeling so that they feel validated during the conversation.

Conversation Cards Make Check-Ins Easier

Relationship check-ins help you on your journey to building a stronger bond with your partner. When you utilize these tips, you’ll improve your relationship with your partner and conduct check-ins effortlessly. To start your first relationship check-in with your partner, check out our relationship check-in card deck!