10 Questions Young Couples Need to Talk About Before Getting Serious

We often assume that we know everything there is to know about our special someone in the initial honeymoon phase. And that’s the beginning of the problem.

As a young couple new in love, you can’t imagine any troubles interfering in your relationship. Everything may seem cherry perfect in the initial phase and you can’t dream of anything that could spoil your beautiful bond. But when reality strikes, you may be surprised at how things turn out. 

Before you’re seriously considering getting engaged or even imagining a future with them, make sure that both of you are on the same page.

Even when you have known them for a long time, you may not know certain aspects of their lives or choices. People change, their goals evolve and their priorities take a shift. You need to have some honest conversations before you get serious and dream of your future together.

And this process starts with asking the right questions to encourage the right conversations.

Photo by Andre Jackson from Unsplash

10 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Serious

1. What are your financial goals?

Money is often the prime reason for wreaking havoc in a relationship. So your first question should be about money. How much do they want to earn in a year? 5 years? 10 years?

Delve deep into the financial aspect like debts, savings and any other personal goals linked with money — like buying a house, car, starting a new business, etc.

2. What’s your view of marriage? 

Nowadays, many couples choose not to get married. And if your views on marriage do not match, then you need to learn this before getting serious.

Before either of the couples start dreaming about the perfect wedding and walking down the aisle, be clear that both of you have the same idea of marriage. 

3. What are your core personal beliefs about a relationship?

Such an open-ended question can bring out varied answers. Some may talk about balancing the relationship, some may discuss individual growth and personal space and some may share their views on infidelity or kids. 

When you’re asking such questions, give your partner some space to share their thoughts on the next phase of your relationship and their idea of a future. 

4. What are your expectations of sex?

You may never know your partner’s view of physical intimacy if you don’t ask. Have conversations around the most exciting thing they love about sex, how they would like to keep the flames alive many years down the road, how often they’d like to have sex and how they’d like to cope with sexual downtimes. 

5. Do you plan to have kids? And if yes, how do you want us to handle the responsibilities?

It's crucial first to have an open-ended conversation about having children rather than assuming that everyone wants children. If your thoughts on having children don't match, that can be a massive deal-breaker in the future.

If your partner wants to have children, then have conversations about the number of children they want to have, the age when they want to get pregnant and the possible struggles with getting pregnant. Also, be clear on where both of you stand on adoption as well.

6. What’s your parenting style like?

If both want to have kids, then the next question should be ‘How do you want to raise them?’

Everyone’s parenting style is different. As a young couple, having kids may not be in your near future. But there are some core ideals that you would like to impart to your kids. 

Do you want to educate your kids early on about feminism? LGBTQ? Safe sex talks? 

Would you want to be a strict parent or a flexible friend-style one?

During this conversation, discuss the way your partner was raised and how they feel about it.

7. What’s the most important priority in your life? How much time do you plan to spend with family and friends?

Every person has specific priorities in their life. Some consider their career as the biggest priority, while some think of family and friends first. And some would need regular alone time.

Establishing the expectations of spending time with family, friends and career will avoid confusion in the future.

8. How involved do you want our parents to be in our relationship?

Having your parents in your relationship can be both a strength and a weakness. Before you get serious and throw your parents into the mix, understand how involved your partner wants them to be.

Do you want to visit them only for the holidays? Or live close to them to help out with the kids? 

Do you want to have regular dinners with your parents? 

What about staying at your parents' for a few days?

If you’re getting serious, then parents would be one of the first things you need to talk about.

9. What’s your take on following religion in our household?

If both are from different religious beliefs, is your partner okay with having individual beliefs in the same household? 

What happens when you have children? Which religion would you want your children to follow?

Be open about your beliefs and how they affect your decisions and ask questions to understand how much your partner’s religious beliefs mean to them.

10. What is your deal-breaker?

Every relationship has a deal-breaker. For some, it’s infidelity, having children or career compromises. Both couples should be very clear on what the deal-breaker for the other person is and see if it can be a problem