Good communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. In fact, research indicates that 65 percent of marriages fail due to communication problems. But what exactly is poor communication? And what can you do to avoid it?

Below are five common communication mistakes that can kill a relationship and the steps you can take to improve the way you relate to your loved one.

Couple arguing. Man points and yells at woman while she dries dishes.

1. Using "You" statements

Statements that start with the word "You" can put your partner on the defensive right away - especially if they are accusatory in nature. They insinuate that the other person is at fault, yet often fail to get to the heart of the matter. Consider these examples:

"You are always on the computer."
"You are so rude to my mother."
"You never help clean the house."

Put yourself on the receiving end of one of these statements and try to imagine how you might respond. In all likelihood, you may feel frustrated, even if you are guilty of spending too much time online or are a poor housekeeper.

Avoiding this mistake is fairly simple: Use "I" statements to convey your feelings. This will prevent your partner from immediately feeling defensive. Here are some ways to convey the points above without using accusatory "You" phrases:

"I wish we could spend more time together. Why don't we try unplugging for two hours each day?"
"I feel so sad when you and my mother bicker. It would make me so happy if you tried a little more with her."
"I think our house is getting away from us... could you help me clean a few rooms?"

Couple arguing. Man yells at woman. Woman closes her eyes, and holds her head, turning away from his screams.

2. Screaming or talking loudly

Yelling and screaming during a disagreement rarely if ever have a positive impact on the discussion or a relationship itself. There are many reasons why people may start to yell during a discussion. They may feel frustrated, angry, or compelled to raise their voice in an effort to control the conversation.

Unfortunately, the person on the receiving end of the yelling often ends up shutting down, screaming back, or simply exiting the conversation.

If you feel the urge to yell or scream, remember that speaking softly lowers all guards. Your message will have a greater impact if you deliver it without raising your voice. Your voice is often more likely to go to your partner's heart as opposed to shocking their ears.

3. Hitting below the belt

To hit below the belt means to say something cruel, insulting or overly personal that is often unrelated to the current disagreement. In many cases, the remark is a criticism of a trait the other person cannot do anything about. Here is an example:

Person A: "We are running low on money again."
Person B: "Well, maybe if you weren't so lazy, you would go look for a job that paid more money."

People tend to hit below the belt when they feel defensive or backed into a corner. In the case above, Person B likely interpreted Person A's comment as a criticism of their earnings and hit back with a personal slam against Person A. Unfortunately, the core issue at hand (a current money shortage) will likely receive scant attention because Person B will likely be reeling from being called lazy and a poor provider. Here is another similar example:

Person A: "You left dirty dishes in the sink again."
Person B: "Well, maybe if you left some food on YOUR plate, you wouldn't be so fat."

To prevent this caustic communication mistake, make sure you know your partner's vulnerabilities and then resolve to NEVER exploit them. Instead, focus on the issue your partner raised. Then let your partner know you are willing to work to overcome the challenge.

Couple arguing and interrupting each other.

4. Interrupting or talking over a loved one

Interrupting someone you love is disrespectful in many ways. When you interrupt or talk over your loved one, you send a message that your thoughts, opinions, and comments are more important than your loved one's. Even worse, it's impossible to actively listen to your partner if you are constantly talking over them. And if you don't listen to your partner, you can't respond to their needs.

If you have a tendency to interrupt people, you can break that habit by striving to become an active listener. If you are a perpetual interrupter, this may not be easy. But here are a few tips to help you get into the habit of being a better listener to your partner:

Look at your partner while they are speaking
Paraphrase what your partner is saying to make sure you understand their point
Ask questions about the topic your partner is discussing
Don't multi-task while your loved one is talking

5. Failing to communicate at all

The four habits above can severely damage a relationship. But one of the worst mistakes you can make is to avoid communication altogether. Keeping your thoughts and feelings bottled up can be unhealthy for both you and your relationship. Your partner may interpret your silence as a lack of interest or a sign that you don't care about them. They are also left to read your mind in an effort to understand how you feel.

You can overcome this problem by making it a priority to share your thoughts and feelings with your loved one. Ask them questions and actively listen to their answers. And don't be afraid to express your concerns or opinions - even if you worry they may not be well received. After all, you cannot work through challenges in your relationship if you never bring them up in the first place.

The Bottom Line on Communication and Relationships

Communication mistakes can cause problems even in the most solid relationships. By familiarizing yourself with the common communication mistakes outlined above, you have taken a giant step toward improving the way you express your feelings to your partner. As you move forward into the future with your loved one, remember there are many wonderful tools for growth-minded couples. By making communication a top priority, you pave the way for a bright future together.