Considering Couples Therapy? Here’s What You Need To Know
It is human nature to avoid what hurts us. This is a self-protective method that is deeply ingrained within us, and it informs many of our daily choices and bigger decisions. Whether it's in the form of putting off that difficult conversation with a friend, facing that debt invoice, or letting someone go at work, it's very tempting to put off what we know may not feel good.
When it comes to our relationships, the same often applies. In longer term relationships especially, it's easy to let time pass by without facing our problems and concerns head on.
Sometimes this can be because we are worried how our partner will react. Other times, it might be that we know what might come from the conversation and we don't feel quite ready.
Unfortunately, relationships issues don't tend take well to being swept under the carpet in order to be dealt with at a later date. Instead of laying quietly out of view, they tend to grow in size and start to crash in when we are least expecting - or wanting - them to appear on the scene. If you have ever tried to ignore a problem with a partner then I'm sure you already have a crystal clear memory of what happened as a result playing in your mind right now.
Instead of letting issues build up to a crisis point, there is a much less painful way of approaching things. There are far healthier ways of developing your partnership without needing to reach a point in time where you are fighting to find balance. How? By investing time in nurturing your connection far before you run into a developed trauma point.
Instead of running around putting out fires, wouldn't you much rather cosy up with your loved one and work out where you'd like to build your path together from here?
Making the choice to go to a couples therapist or counselor can feel like a very alien step if you have never sought the support of someone in this capacity before. It can feel like a big leap of faith, trusting your feelings with a stranger. What any relationship professional worth their salt will tell you, is that this is perfectly normal, and that they are there to help demystify the process as you continue. You aren't the first couple they've seen who is feeling unsure, and you certainly won't be the last.
Relationship therapy is a rich opportunity for you to safely share the thoughts you have been having that you might have been worried to when it's just the two of you. Maybe you have something you'd like to bring up, but you don't want to cause a dispute. Or maybe trust has been damaged between you, and you aren't feeling confident to be vulnerable. You can consider the therapy room as a neutral safe space where you will be supported as you talk together.
How couples handle conflict between them is a strong preceptor of whether their relationship will be able to go the distance. If you or your partner are currently prone to shutting down or losing their temper during moments of disagreement, this needs to be addressed before something happens that makes the partnership irretrievable. Tackling these negative habits with the support of a qualified professional could ultimately save your relationship in the longer term.
Bear in mind that in the same way you got together with your partner because of compatibility, the same goes for connection with a relationship expert. There are many different types of relationship counsellors, coaches and therapists and it's important to take time to find one that aligns with your personal values and shared ethos.
Not only that, if you don't feel you are 'clicking' right with someone you're working with, then don't feel afraid to make the switch to someone new. What's most important is that you have the support you both need to nurture and develop your growing relationship as a couple. With that in mind, try to allow for at least three seasons with someone before you make your choice. The discomfort you initially feel might be more to do with the situation as a whole rather than the specific person offering their support to you. Most vitally of all, hold on to the fact that this experience is an investment in your relationship with your partner. You would not be seeking it without there being an already present measure of love and care for one another. Couples seek support because it is important to them that their relationship overcomes any challenges that present themselves over time. This in itself, is a powerfully romantic concept! Relationships aren't always going to be a sunny walk in the park. They take some work and quite a large dose of configuration in order to be healthy and happy. Fill the belly of your partnership with the foods it needs to be well, and to avoid injury or illness. This precious creature is something to be greatly valued and carefully taken care of. It is a privilege in many ways. But you know that already, right? That's why you're here now, reading this article.
Explore therapy together not as a last attempt at true connection with each other, but as a first choice option. Switch up your view of this support as a worthy investment that can be made at any point in time, rather than solely during a crisis or when you have no further ideas of how to make things work.
Your partner, and your future heart, will both be very grateful that you did.
