What You Need To Know About the Early Stages in a Relationship
The early stages in a relationship will come with a host of emotions. You may feel both anxiety and joy, and that is completely normal. Anytime you start something new, it is bound to stir up some feelings. The key is knowing what to look for in a new relationship to see if it is right for you. Use these tips to determine if they are "the one" and learn how to stop relationship anxiety.
is it Lust or Love?
Those first couple of weeks of a new relationship can be extremely exciting, and you will probably find yourself feeling a lot of emotions. If you are having a ton of fun with your new partner, you may be questioning whether or not you are falling in love.
It's certainly possible you could fall in love with a new partner very quickly, but you may also just be feeling lustful for them. The early stages of love feel a lot like lust. You could be feeling lust in a sexual way where you want to be touching them all the time, or you could be lusting for the experience of being around them.
Lust is common early on in a relationship because your sex hormones are in high gear, which fuels idealization and projection. This means you see what you want to see in your partner rather than who they truly are. Those rose colored lenses of a new relationship can blind you to flaws or red flags. If you find yourself unable to find any flaws or issues with your partner, no matter how small, you may be feeling lust rather than love.
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Early Relationship Stages
There are common things that occur in the early stages in a relationship, including dating, meeting each other's friends, and becoming exclusive.
Dating
At the very beginning of your relationship, you will start by going out on regular dates. This could be going to dinner, catching a movie, going putt-putt golfing, or any other number of things.
This is the stage where you begin getting to know each other. You may start finding out about each other's family, what you are each interested in, and your plans for the future.
Your dates are all about finding out whether or not you are a good match for each other. Of course, you will want to have some things in common, but it isn't necessary to like all the same things. In fact, it often works out better if you each have some of your own hobbies you can do yourself.
Meeting Friends
Once you have been on a few dates, and it seems like the relationship is going well, you may introduce your partner to your friends. This will tell your friends that you are serious about your partner, so be prepared for some questions.
Your friends can also be great judges of character. They may notice some things about your partner that you may not have, especially if you are still in the lust stage.
Define the Relationship
The stage where you and your partner decide to become exclusive could come before or after you introduce your partner to your friends. There should be a conversation you have with your partner where you decide what parameters your relationship will have. There are many relationship styles these days, such as polygamous, monogamous, and open relationships, so you need to have a direct conversation with your partner about what you want.
Do not assume that the other person is viewing the relationship in the same way as you. For example, you may think it's going great and don't plan to see anyone else, while your partner may still be going on dates with other people. They may also want to have an open relationship, while you want a monogamous one. It is important both sides are on the same page.
Whatever you decide on, make it clear what the expectations are so no one accidentally gets hurt. Setting clear expectations and boundaries will help the relationship be successful.
Having the conversation with your partner also ensures you will not just slide into a commitment you don't really want. It can become uncomfortable if one of you assumes you are committed and one does not. Set the expectation early on that you will talk with each other when you feel it is time to commit to each other.
If you are interested in more information about the commitment conversation, check out How Not to Die Alone by Logan Ury and The Science of Happily Ever After by Ty Tashiro.
Healthy Signs
There are certain signs to look out for to ensure your relationship is healthy and that you have found a good partner. Early on, you can see your partner through rose-colored glasses, so these healthy relationship signs are helpful indicators that all is well.
Personal Space: It's important you and your partner each have time to do the things you individually enjoy doing. You don't always need to be together.
Trust: If your relationship is healthy, you will trust each other. For instance, you won't feel the need to look through your partner's phone.
Not rushing milestones: If you are truly meant to be together, you will both understand there is no reason to rush things. Milestones will happen naturally when they are meant to.
Open communication: If you and your partner can talk about anything, that is a sign things are going well. Conflict will happen, but how you handle it is key.
Inspiring each other: Your partner should inspire you to be your best self and encourage you to reach your goals.
Appreciating the little things: While big, romantic gestures are nice, it's important to find the little things you appreciate about your partner and that they appreciate the small things about you too.
Remember that along with the positive relationship signs, there are also red flags to look out for.
Conclusion
The start of a relationship is an exciting time, and it can be difficult to nail down all the emotions flooding your brain. Remember that there is a big difference between lust and love, and it is important you know the difference.
There are easy signs to check to see if your partner is good for you, like trusting your partner and not rushing milestones, among others. Once you feel confident this person is a good fit, have a conversation with them about becoming exclusive, so you are both on the same page about the commitment.
If you are still unsure about whether or not the person you are seeing is right for you, consider the following questions:
Do you see yourself with this person for the long haul?
Are you enjoying your experiences with this person?
Do they inspire you to achieve your dreams, or do they hold you back?
Do you feel like the relationship is improving your life?
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