Can’t Get Over an Ex? Here's How.

Do you feel yourself reminiscing about your ex — even when it’s been a long time since you broke up? It’s a fact that breakups are hard. And it can take some time to get over them. But when you keep thinking about your ex when you’re in another relationship, then it’s high time you need a total reboot. There are some who keep thinking about an ex even when they’ve dated multiple people. Or when they’re in a serious relationship. 

Is that healthy?

Not at all.

So what can you do to get over an ex and get back to your life quickly?

1. Stop Romanticizing the Relationship

We often get into this loop of imagining ‘our version’ of how the relationship was — instead of the reality. We over-idealize the ex and give them more credit than they deserve. We twist reality and get caught in this fantasy of a beautiful relationship that unfortunately ended. 

And this is the worst thing you can do to yourself!

Snap out of the fantasy and actually remember the reason why you broke up!

Even when you weren’t the one who initiated the breakup, respect your ex’s opinion. Think about the reasons your ex gave for your break up and consider what it says about them.

Don’t get yourself caught in a dreamy world where your relationship with your ex was just absolutely perfect. And stop comparing this fantasy version in your mind with your current relationships and downplay them. Doing so would only hurt you and no one else.

2. Stop Creating ‘What Ifs’ Scenarios in Your Mind

• What if I had said this?

• What if I hadn’t done that?

• What if I was more like this?

To put it honestly, thinking about these what if’s is pure torture. 

Imagining such alternate scenarios with alternate endings means you aren’t giving due attention to your current life or relationship. The most you can do right now is give your best and not stay in the past.

You need to realize that your relationship is over and gone and nothing you can do can change the past. Instead, what you can do is to focus on your future, apply your lessons in your current life, and move on — for good.

3. Stop Following Your Ex’s Life

We always have this curiosity to know how our ex is faring in life. We try to inquire and worm our way into knowing how their life is. Many even stalk their exes so much so that it’s becoming a norm. But seeing pictures of your ex, talking about their current life, or meeting them face to face will only bring up the old memories. And it’s going to go nowhere. So the best thing you can do is unfollow your ex and their friends on all social media platforms. And avoid meeting them in real life too. 

If you have any pictures of items of your ex, don’t save them as memories. This is especially important when you’re struggling to get over your ex and catch yourself thinking back to the past.

Your future is much more important than thinking about your life with your ex.

So erase all such traces of your ex from your life if you want to move on healthily. While it’s challenging to stop this behavior, we need to do so for our sanity. We need to come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over and that you both have separate lives from here on out. 

Don’t punish yourself by thinking about what your ex is doing. Instead, take your life into your own hands and get back your mojo!

4. Don’t Search for Closure

Not all relationships end with an explanation. You’re fortunate if you have closure. And if you don’t, stop looking for it.

If your ex cut off the relationship without giving you closure, there’s a reason why they did it. It may be because the reason is too painful for them to talk about. Or they didn’t care enough about you to give you an explanation.

Either way, there’s no point in waiting for closure — or an apology — long after the relationship is over.

This would only mean that you keep living in the past and going over the same situations over and over in your head and searching for that ‘why.’

When an ex doesn’t give you closure, it’s better to realize how unhealthy they were to leave you without an explanation, cut your losses and move on.

Learn and Grow from Your Past Relationship

Come to terms with the fact that the person is your ‘ex’ and exes need to stay in the past. Don’t let the memory of your ex invade your present, spoil your relationships and set your life back.

Every relationship has something for us to learn. It may be about things we learned about others and ourselves. 

Introspect within and consider what worked, what didn’t work, what you can do to be better, what you look for in a partner, and what kind of relationship you want to be in.

Learning from past relationships while keeping aside past memories is the best way to deal with an ex. And make your future better.