6 Holiday stressors - How to navigate the holidays as a couple this year
This year is almost over (finally). But holidays sprinkle the last stretch of it. Three typical seasonal stressors that plague 38% of us are money, time, and gifts (according to the American Psychological Association (APA). These three stressors plus the pandemic make for one heck of a 2020 holiday season.
So yes, this year is almost over but it calls for special circumstances. As you make plans to make plans, incorporate safety measures into travel arrangements and outings. Consider the fact that holiday parties may very well be online this year. And say no to gatherings that set you over the edge and leave you in a holiday panic.
The holiday season is a doozy for people in relationships. Not only tasked with our stress but tasked with our partner’s stress. We stress out twice as hard because the holidays are the holidays. And being in a relationship magnifies all the feels. You can be out of your mind happy in your life. But something about the Instagram posts, Pinterest circulations, and Black Friday frenzy still leaves you wanting to stuff your face with leftover Halloween candy.
Six Holiday Stressors
You've been through holidays before, no doubt. You know how delicate the balance is between blissful reflection and fretful juggling. Having somebody you trust and love go through the messy parts with you is worthwhile.
Here are six themes that cause major anxiety during the holidays.
And how to navigate them together.
#1. Making time for everyone.
This is the ideal situation. But making time for everyone can be tricky, especially for larger families. Because of Covid-19, this holiday stressor may not be as big a deal this year. You and your partner may decide hanging out at home for the holidays is the right move for you this year.
If you’re able to and decide to visit family this year, then do what you can to stay safe and healthy.
Splitting holidays among family members can feel like a rollercoaster. You have to plan out how much time to spend at each home, what dishes to bring, and figure out accommodations. Whatever you do, don't leave the mapping out until the day of. That'll only bring you more stress than you mentally prepared yourself for going in.
You may not be able to make it to everyone, even if you do live in the same state. Remember your peace of mind is valid before you spread yourself too thin. When you can't visit someone, you can still show them you’re thinking of them. With a phone call or a personalized box of goodies.
Make flight arrangements sooner than later to avoid high ticket prices. Road trips are also fun if you don't want to deal with holiday season airport stress. But account for the extra time it’ll take to get to and from where you’re going.
#2. Spending the holidays without your partner.
Pandemic aside, spending holidays away from your partner isn’t unheard of. Some people enjoy the time apart. Some people find that spending holidays solo is easier than crafting a master plan of homes to visit at Christmas. Some people don't mind going to family get-togethers solo because they don't see the holidays as a critical part of their relationship, as writer Sara Coughlin shares with Refinery29.
And some people don't have the luxury of spending the holidays with their partner. Be it conflicting work schedules or a long-distance relationship.
There's no such thing as a right or wrong reason to spend the holidays solo. Savor the time you do spend together and celebrate at a later time if you want.
#3. Meeting their family for the first time.
Ah, the awkwardness of meeting the family. No better time than the holidays, when people are full of love and joy.
Do your partner a favor before you introduce them to your family and talk it out. Let them in on your family’s dynamic, traditions they part in, and who's giving who a gift. Share any fears either of you has about meeting the family and make sure you're on the same page.
#4. Mixing holiday traditions.
You and your partner may not share the same culture or ideas about the holiday season. Your family may have traditions that their family doesn’t. It's a good idea to talk to each other about the holidays you do or don't celebrate. And what traditions you enjoy taking part in.
Experiencing a holiday unlike one you’re familiar with requires flexibility and mindfulness. If you choose to blend your beliefs and celebrate the season together, then make compromise your best friend. Everyone deserves to feel included and heard.
#5. To gift or not to gift.
In a relationship, it’s tough to sort out who gets a gift this year and who doesn’t. You don’t have just your friends and family to think about; you have theirs. You also have to consider how much to spend on each gift and how much you plan on spending altogether. This isn’t a one-person job.
If generosity is part of your Rich Life, then let your partner know. It may be worth digging a little deeper this holiday season.
Sit down and create a gift guide for both of you to go off. A Google Doc works beautifully. Reduce any chance of overspending, getting the same gift twice, or being on different pages by sharing intent.
#6. Budget for the season, not the tradition.
Spend time creating a budget for holiday spending as a whole. Gifts don't make up the entire holiday season. Your budget should also include travel arrangements, food preparation, decorations, and adventures.
Money is hard to talk about with your partner. But if you already have a budget in place, it’s worth it to set aside some cushion for the holiday season. Ramit Sethi recommends a sub-savings account for unexpected expenses, i.e. holiday spending. You won’t have to worry so much about January credit card statements you can’t pay off when you have a dedicated holiday budget.
*Psst, we created a budgeting tool for proactive couples like you who want to get a leg up on their funds — take a peek to see for yourself.
Holiday Stress Tips
The holiday season is a magical time as much as it is a stressful time.
Here are five practical ways to remember how to keep yourself in the present, work through the chaos, and actually enjoy the holiday season.
Meditate.
Find a calming space, breathe deeply, and set your intentions for each day. Focus on what you can get done within the day and let go of worry or fear the holiday stress brings your way.
Think good thoughts.
You’ll have plenty of negative thoughts. What with all the traffic, the shopping, the spending, and the spreading your time way too thin. Pluck out the negative thoughts and replace them with good thoughts. Thoughts that remind you of what you’re grateful for in life.
Recharge.
It’s natural to go, go, go during the holidays, always jumping from one task to another. Take a break from your phone, from other people, and from your to-do list and practice some self-care. Go for a walk, take a bubble bath, read a book— recharge and get out of your head.
Savor moments.
Amidst the family drama, dried up bank accounts, and flashing lights, wonderful memories are happening. Bask in the moments you have with your partner and your family. Appreciate them by staying present.
Do less. Slow down.
Yes, take a beat and schedule what you can handle. Don’t overload yourself in tasks and events you can’t get done along with your usual daily schedule. Say no to the Zoom office party. Say no to gifts this year. Say no to whatever doesn’t fit with your holiday season this year.
Resources:
https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2006/12/holiday-stress.pdf
https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2017/11/180991/couples-spending-holidays-apart
https://counseling.northwestern.edu/blog/guide-multicultural-holidays/
https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/how-to-give-good-gifts/
