6 Ways to Communicate Without Conflict
When it comes to addressing new ideas or concepts for the future, it can be challenging to ensure both you and your partner feel seen and personally validated. Couples must work steadily through each idea shared without stepping on any toes or triggering any sense of reactivity. Deep passions and ambitions need careful, patient handling. Our emotions (and egos) need gentle and considerate treatment.
If you have been putting off discussing future plans with your partner from concern about conflict—then fear no more!
The deeply rooted inner desires we have for our lives are integral to our personal identity and our respective values. The way we picture the next chapters of our life defines much of who we are as individuals. Sharing new ideas and deep-rooted aspirations can feel vulnerable. It’s crucial that we consider and nurture each suggestion carefully. These are the fragments of your future laying in wait, after all.
Here are 5 powerful ways to communicate your shared goals as a couple without conflict:
Apply a positive mindset. Heading into any conversation with a negative attitude will only lead to a disappointing result for both you and your partner. Level up your goal-planning communications by stepping into the light of what’s possible between you. You are a team, after all. Two people who are ready to face the world, hand in hand and side by side. This is a moment to embrace, not hide from. Turn your face towards the sun and reap the rewards of your shared efforts. Your relationship will soon begin to evolve as a result.
Arrange specific quality time. Attempting to rush through your ideas while hurrying out the door to the office is just not going to work. None of us express ourselves clearly when we feel pressured for time. Give your relationship the respect it deserves by allocating appropriate time for quality communication. Set aside a portion of time to talk through your couple goals together as a team. Ensure it is a time slot that works well for you both, not just one of you.
Agree to listen without interruption. From the outset, agree not to interrupt one another when each of you is speaking. It can be tempting to cut in with suggestions or expressions of reactivity when a controversial idea is placed on the table. However, by cutting off your partner’s speech you majorly risk missing out on further insight as to their underlying motivations. Demonstrate willingness and respect by listening fully to what your partner has to share. This includes setting aside smartphones for the entirety of the conversation. No one enjoys talking to someone whose distracted by notifications.
Cue ‘time out’ when you need to. Before you dive into sharing thoughts, concepts and ideas you need to first create a foundation of mutual trust and safe space. Establish firm agreement between you that it will always be okay for either of you to step away if you become overwhelmed by the conversation. Taking the opportunity for a few moments in another room to refresh your hot drinks can help any triggered spikes of adrenaline to pass by. This can allow for restored clarity of thought. Come back promptly and resume the conversation with a reassuring hug before diving back in.
Revisit the conversation regularly. Rome was not built in a day, as we all know. Your relationship is not a tick-box project to ‘get done’ in much the same way. This is not a competitive race of speed nor haste. Allow time for new ideas to settle. Mull over fresh suggestions for future goals with an open mind. Dedicate regular time to talk through new plans. Especially if you have agreed upon a drastic change of direction. Regularly check in with one another to see how you’re both feeling. It could make all the difference to your shared journey together in the ongoing future.
Use supportive body language. When we feel vulnerable we are more likely to be reactive to any small sign that we are not being listened to. If we feel our goal ideas are not being appreciated we might recoil, snap, or distance ourselves entirely unnecessarily. Therefore, positive and empathetic body language is vital to couple goal success. Turn your bodies to fully face one another. Hold one another by hand or embrace in the moments you might need a nudge of affection. Keep steady eye contact and consciously relax your expressions. These small efforts will add up to significant connection very quickly.
Don’t forget the fundamental fact that despite your similarities and your undoubted connection as a couple, you are both individuals. You each have your own portfolio of experiences from birth through to meeting one another. You have been educated uniquely to each other. You grew up with different friends, families, and opportunities. Therefore, you will naturally have different views at times. You may strongly disagree on occasion. Carefully work through each challenge, idea and venture. You’re powerfully in this together.
Exploring your ideas and goals together is part of the bonding experience within any great relationship. We made this easier for you, check out our Couple Goal Workbook. Change your perspective from one of uncertainty about offering your ideas, to one of real joy and excitement. You have an opportunity here to talk about visions and concepts that you may not have ever shared before. You will learn about your partner’s ideas—ones that you may never have considered before but would love to embrace once you know of them.
Who knows where this particular conversation may lead you both!
