Creating Healthy Habits - How To Tackle Relationship Issues From Day 1
As we embark upon a new relationship, it can be easy to be swept up in some of the magic we might experience. Every relationship starts out differently, but the early days are generally spent idyllically. We might enjoy long, dreamful evenings getting to know one another and stepping out together to lovely places. We see the other person through hopeful eyes, and depending on our previous experiences, with some rose tint.
This period rightly should have a little ‘romantic gold dust’ upon it. The process of getting to know someone new is exciting, and it can be wonderfully enthralling. If things become overwhelming, or if you feel you aren’t able to be yourself in any way, then this isn’t a good sign. But if you feel the best of yourself in the company of the other person, then you’re in the right spot.
So - how can we extend this positive first chapter beyond the early days of dating? As I just described, it’s important from the beginning of any relationship to be able to fully express yourself and to feel supported in doing so. We all put on our best faces (not just with make-up) when we have just met someone, and this is completely normal. This is very different from the feeling of holding significant parts of who you are back from view or actively hiding your beliefs and values. This is actually the pivotal aspect of any healthy relationship.
Ultimately, a healthy relationship operates from a place of deep and supportive honesty. When relationships run aground, the dispute is often rooted in painful miscommunication. This manifests in many forms, but the hurt caused is consistent. Vast amounts of miscommunication grow from other factors, such as assumption, impatience, and self-protection. These are all components that can damage even the strongest partnerships if the pathway is not navigated wisely.
When we have been hurt in the past, it can make us guarded. This can lead us to hold back our true feelings or to assume the worst from another person. Have you ever felt upset at the action of a partner and said nothing in an attempt to avoid conflict - only for it to blow up later on? I think we all have, at some point. It can be tempting to avoid an issue, but doing so can risk far greater damage later on. This is where being authentic is vital to relationship wellbeing.
Although truth and authentic communication is vital, this does not equate to speaking without thought or care for the other person. This isn’t about venting everything you feel whenever you feel like it! This will only cause more harm in the longer term. Take time to build a connection with your partner, where you both feel comfortable to share how you are feeling without fear of judgment.
Cultivate an environment within your relationship where you both signal regularly to one another that you are there to support one another unconditionally. Sometimes, just knowing someone is truly there for you can actually make some of the issues you were facing or might have faced together dissolve altogether. Or at least tackle them much more calmly and quickly. For example, if you have been previously a person who didn’t trust their partner’s fidelity, but you connect with a new partner who is able to reassure you from their openness and genuine reassurance that they can be trusted with your feelings, then you might release many of the overbearing thoughts and feelings you might have later reached a point of conflict about.
Of course, trust is the foundation of any happy, healthy relationship. It is the cornerstone of true life and the basis for genuine friendship between you beyond initial attraction. But trust cannot exist between you unless you are able to truly be yourselves and express how you really feel about each other, yourself, and the wider world you share. Trust is built over time, but your instincts are your first port of call when you first meet someone.
Does this new partner make you feel comfortable in their presence?
Do they listen to you without shutting you down or changing the subject back to themselves too often?
Are you able to relax when you are apart from each other, or do you find yourself feeling tense?
These are all important questions to ask yourself when you first meet someone. It’s not about scanning them for errors in a clinical way - it’s about learning to listen to yourself in the moments that matter. This is a skill to keep developing throughout your relationship, both with a new partner in your other familial and social relationships. It could be the life-changing element that protects you from unhealthy relationships before they take hold.
Head into love with an open heart and mind. But never forget your true value and your absolute worthiness. You deserve open communication, authentic connection, and genuine care in the same way your partner does. Reiterate to one another how valuable you both are from the beginning. Don’t be afraid to let your partner in a little, and to offer some vulnerability if and when you feel safe to do so. Not only will this help to build the vital trust you need to bond, but it will signal to them that it is safe for them to do the same.
Relationships are a journey, not a checkpoint system. You might each later at points, and this is completely natural. Just make sure you keep fighting from the same corner and offer your hand to help each up when you fall. Share between you the incredible experience of authenticity - it will be the best gift you will ever give one another.
