You would never cheat on your partner, right?

You love them, you are committed to them, and you want them to be happy. However, cheating goes beyond physically engaging with someone who is not your partner. Emotional cheating can have the same destructive effects on your partner and on your relationship.

So what exactly is emotional cheating? Are you never allowed to talk to anyone else? Do you have to avoid seeing anyone else as attractive for the rest of your life? Not exactly.

Emotional cheating occurs when someone hides their interactions from their partner. Betrayal happens when lies are made to cover up any kind of connection with someone else.

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels — Photo by **cottonbro** from **Pexels**

Here are five examples of emotional cheating to consider:

1. Texting Someone Else In Secret

There is nothing wrong with texting your friends. In fact, there is nothing wrong with having deep conversations and heart-to-heart talks with people who are not your partner. However, these interactions should stay within the boundaries you and your partner have already set for your relationship. If you find yourself crossing boundaries and then taking steps to hide your actions, this is a red flag.

Read through the following behaviors and admit to yourself whether you have done any of them:

Changing your passwords or keeping your phone away from your partner
Deleting messages you do not want your partner to find
Using social media accounts your partner does not know about
Chatting on platforms that do not save messages (like Snapchat) so you cannot be busted
Using a different phone (like a work phone)

This kind of behavior disconnects you from your partner and puts your relationship in danger.

2. Making Up Excuses When You Meet With Friends Or Coworkers

Take a moment to imagine a scenario. You and an attractive coworker have decided to meet up for a few drinks after work. It is nothing serious, but you are excited to spend time with them. Instead of mentioning it to your partner, however, you send a text saying you have a tight deadline and need to stay at the office a couple of hours longer than usual. You justify it by saying that you do not want your partner to feel left out; or, you might reason that they are too possessive and you do not want them to get angry. Does this sound familiar?

If you have acted like this before, there is something going on that you do not want to admit. Yes, it might be a casual meet-up, but lying about it makes it a betrayal of trust.

3. Breaking Promises You Have Already Made

Every committed relationship has a set of boundaries and expectations. These are sometimes unspoken (which can lead to confusion), but most couples will talk about what they want and how they want their partner to act. If you are in this kind of relationship, it is likely that you have made some promises to your partner in the past. Maybe you promised not to go out alone with a friend of your preferred gender after 11 pm. Maybe you promised to keep all your communications available for your partner to read at any time.

But recently, you have been finding it hard to keep those promises. You do not want to hurt their feelings, so you keep your actions secret, but you just do not see the point in keeping your word. Remember, if you feel you cannot keep a promise you made in the past, it is far healthier to talk about it with your partner rather than secretly breaking your word.

4. Hiding Use Of Pornographic Material

Remember those boundaries that were mentioned in the last section? Porn use is a really important area in which to place boundaries. Some couples agree to avoid porn altogether because of it's addictive nature and often unrealistic standards. Others agree to watch porn together to get them in the mood, but ask their partners to avoid it while alone. Still, others are perfectly okay with their partner using pornography when they want to - it is just a part of life for them. This article is not here to tell you exactly how you should approach porn in your relationship.

However, there is no doubt that you should talk about it with your partner. And if you are feeling the need to hide your porn use from your partner, that should give you pause. You may say, "I just don't want to hurt their feelings." But imagine how hurt they will be when they discover you have been hiding something from them for months and years!

5. Fantasizing About Someone Else While Having Sex

Your mind is your own. Your partner may see the texts you send or find you at a restaurant when you said you were at work. However, as close as they are to you, they cannot read your mind. This makes your mind a very powerful, wonderful, and potentially dangerous place for you. When you feel attracted to someone who is not your partner, it is easy to constantly let your mind linger on them. You do not tell your partner because, after all, you are not doing anything wrong. However, the longer you indulge in this secret fantasy, the easier it will become to bring your secret crush into the bedroom. You may physically be close to your partner, but mentally you are embracing someone else.

Nobody is the wiser - except for you. Remember, fantasizing is not wrong per se. In fact, indulging in sexual fantasies is normal and often quite healthy. However, problems begin when your mental behavior begins to drive a wedge in between you and your partner. If you feel disconnected from your partner, or you are beginning to wish you could act out your fantasies with someone else, you may want to step back and reconsider how you use your mind.

In Conclusion: Why Are You Hiding?

If any of these examples ring a bell with you, it is time to do some serious self-reflection. After all, some of these actions may not be harmful in and of themselves. So why are you hiding them? Why is it so hard to admit the truth? Do you feel like your partner is overly possessive and you enjoy a little part of life out from under their control? If so, speak to them about their controlling tendencies.

Confess your actions and be honest about why you hid things from them. Or maybe you love the element of secrecy - it makes it exciting for you. If this is the case, try to figure out why your current relationship feels boring or uninteresting. Maybe you simply need to bring excitement back into your own love life. Maybe you simply feel your love for your partner slipping away and you want to feel that passion again. If so, consider taking some time to reboot your relationship.

Bringing everything into the light can be scary. It takes a lot of courage, and it will probably mean a lot of not-so-fun conversations between you and your partner. But remember, you committed to love this person and they are totally worth the effort. When you talk about your actions and motivations openly and honestly, there is always hope.

Consider signing up for a Free 7 Day Relationship Check up below. Discussing your fears and desires openly without judgment or criticism helps bring transparency and honesty back into your relationship.