Battling Disconnect? 5 Ways To Reinvigorate Your Intimacy
Modern culture commonly depicts intimacy as something that belongs to new relationships or momentary love encounters. Our media-fuelled screens visualize intimacy as moments of debut connection, not longstanding marriage. The dizzying, heated moments of sexual excitement belong to film characters who have affairs and people who meet fleetingly. They are not typically played out to us by familiar couples who know each other's bodies as well as their own. Intimacy between two people is different for every partnership. There is no definitive measure of what' counts' as intimate - it is very much an interpersonal exploration. It will come down to the individual dynamic of each relationship, as well as own desires and personal boundaries. For some, allowing a partner to undress them with the lights on is an intimate act. For others, it might be sexual foreplay shared in the comfort of a home environment. It even could be the moment where they allow their partner to see them naked for the first time. All of these examples are moments of intimacy, defined only by those present within them.
How can we boost our shared experiences in order to keep deeper intimacy alive?
Here are 5 ways you can reinvigorate your intimate explorations together:
1) Take time to listen. Taking the time to listen to your partner may not seem the 'go-to' first stop on your quest for intimacy. But it's vital if you are going to be successful in doing so. You might be aware of your partner's current challenges and experiences, but have you asked how they're really feeling about it? Leave advice to one side, and give your partner the gift of a listening ear instead. It could make all the difference to how supported they feel, and therefore how much they feel they're able to open up and be close with you - both in and out of the bedroom.
2) Rediscover each other's bodies. As a long term couple, you probably know the map of your partner's body almost as well as your own. Perhaps even more so. No matter how long you have been together, it's important to value of who the person is, including their physicality. Find time to switch off technology and head to bed earlier than usual once a week. Before you put the lights out, spend some time together exchanging massages. Ensure the room is comfortable and clear of clutter - this includes piles of waiting for laundry and the blink of charging laptops! Enjoy learning the shapes and curves of one another's bodies, and tending to the muscles they describe as being the tensest. Be complimentary, be relaxed, and - most importantly - take your time.
Roleplay doesn't have to be about wielding whips, or dressing in uncomfortably tight service uniform costumes. There are forms of roleplay to deepen your experiences of intimacy together without the need for fancy accessories. Take time to discuss the stars and role models that make each of you feel empowered. Consider what it is about them that makes them so impactful and what aspects you'd love to enjoy in your own ways of being. Discuss the characters you each find attractive, also. Then try roleplaying as these characters, making sure to exaggerate or make more of the aspects that turn either of you on. You'll be amazed at how much more liberated you'll feel in the bedroom when you have a role to play that you enjoy. Costumes optional…
4) Make it a special occasion. Instead of distractedly catching up on each other's day whilst competing with television news, throw your smartphones in a drawer and actually turn to face one another! Book out the evening as a special occasion. You can make it as celebratory as you wish. Treat it like a proper date and wear what makes you feel empowered. You can order food to be delivered or cook your favorite foods, depending on what will make you both feel the most relaxed. Make every effort to differentiate tonight from any other night in together. By making these mindful changes to your shared time, you will be creating opportunities for deeper reconnect. You might be surprised at the little thrill you experience from enjoying the full attention of your partner when you're feeling your best.
5) Create excuses to be physical. The small details of our relationships are often the most incredible. Although grand gestures are lovely, many of us crave physical connection much more deeply. It is where we find our soothing and our more profound connections. The next time you find yourself hurrying out the front door for work, take half a minute to embrace your partner. Hold them, and wish them a good day. Or the next time you are swamped in endless home chores and e-mail replies, drop everything for a moment to scoop your partner up for a cuddle. They might need it just as much as you do. Intimacy isn't just about sexual energy - there's deliciously much more to it than that.
Ultimately, it's essential - and joyous - to remember that you chose each other for a reason. If you can keep rediscovering those motivations, then intimacy should follow on very naturally. You are working on the same team here. You are venturing partners in your explorations together. Try out these 5 powerful ways to reinvigorate your intimacy to unlock a whole host of further emotions and feelings. Every time you release a measure of vulnerability, you will be unlocking further connection between you both. This is where true, authentic love lives. So what are you waiting for? Set aside those smartphones and start nurturing your intimate experienced together. You - and your partner - will be so glad you did.
