Snuggled up next to your partner on the couch watching movies from your favorite streaming service, it is easy to think that you have it completely figured out. You and your significant other are the envy of your friend group, and you are living out the ideal storyline from every romantic film ever made. Then you stop and wonder: "Is any of this really true?".

Are you and your partner truthfully as open and honest with one another as you could be, or are you merely putting on the performative aspects of a relationship to continue to live in the comfortable space of believing that you have the ideal relationship?

The frightening thing is that many people are actually living in the latter category whether they want to admit it or not. The good news is that recognition of this fact can lead to dramatic changes that can improve the quality of the relationship going forward. We want to look today at how to make those changes by implementing a growth mindset that can help any couple achieve their true potential.

The Fixed Mindset: A Comfortable Space That Stunts Our Growth

The default mindset that most people have is what is termed the "fixed mindset". Now, most people do not actively realize that they view the world this way, but it comes to light that they do when they begin to examine their thoughts and actions both in their relationship and all throughout everything that they do. Connectsinmind.com provides an illustrative example of what a fixed mindset is and why it can prove to be so damaging:

A fixed mindset is the belief that brains are 'hard-wired' and incapable of dramatic change. Individuals with a fixed mindset give up easily, ignore constructive feedback and feel threatened by the success of others.

Those who think this way believe that nothing is ever going to change in life for them. People who think like this see wider events accruing in the world and believe that they have no control over their own destiny. This likely manifest in their relationships, but it probably also reveals itself in other aspects of their lives as well. Their career, family relationships, financial situation, and more can all be torpedoed by a fixed mindset that is engrained and unwilling to accept new facts and information as they are presented.

You might ask yourself why anyone would choose such a mindset. There is a multitude of reasons why some people come to this way of thinking, but the biggest reason is that it is a lot easier to think that the world is against you than to own up to your own mistakes and flaws and try to do something to improve them.

What is a growth mindset?

A growth mindset is the belief that you can improve through effort and persistence. People with a growth mindset embrace challenges, know change is the only constant, and see obstacles and failures as an opportunity to learn.

Embracing and cultivating a growth mindset is crucial for relationships to thrive.

An illustration of the difference between Growth Mindset and Fixed Mindset.

Comparing Fixed Mindset Versus A Growth Mindset

To best illustrate the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset, it might be useful to see how the two stack up against one another in terms of how we think about our relationship and the various aspects contained within those relationships.

Fixed Mindset: "My partner will always love me because we are committed to each other"

Growth Mindset: "I will earn my partner's love by practicing bonding exercises daily".

Fixed Mindset: "I assume that everything is okay in my relationship and don't need to check-in"

Growth Mindset: "I have constant, honest, and open communication with my partner at all times"

Fixed Mindset: "I can never achieve the perfect relationship, so there is no use in trying"

Growth Mindset: "Perfection isn't the goal, striving for a better day each day is"

As you can see, much of the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset lies in the internal dialogue that we have with ourselves. Changing that dialogue to a healthier viewpoint is the only way to grow.

A happy couple in a mountain top during sunrise.

The Path To Change Begins Now

There is literally no time like the present to attempt to break yourself away from the destructive thinking that leads to adopting a fixed mindset. It is never too late to start on this journey, but you should know that the sooner you can start making these changes, the better. Your brain stops developing natural pathways in your twenties, and it becomes considerably more difficult to change behaviors after those habits have been established. That said, it is certainly not impossible, and believing that you are doomed to remain the same forever is just another example of the fixed mindset showing its face yet again.

A few teaks to your daily life can help stir you out of a fixed mindset and into a growth mindset easily. What are a few of the ways that you can stir things up?

Begin Your Morning In A Different Way - Plenty of us are guilty of waking up groggily in the morning, making a cup of coffee, taking a shower, and heading off to work. It is the same established routine day after day without change. It might be time to switch up the routine. Perhaps you could start with a gratitude exercise in the morning where you spend your first couple of minutes of the day thinking or speaking out loud a few of the things that you are grateful for. This could include things about your partner, and you should try to rope them into this exercise with you for maximum effect.
Take A Different Route To Work - Your maps app on your phone might provide you with the quickest route to any destination, but it is unlikely to provide you with the most interesting or thought-provoking. It is yet another way that we get ourselves into the rut of routine. Try breaking up your travel routine by adopting a new way to go to work in the morning. It doesn't have to be dramatically different from the route that you take now, but it should provide you with the ability to see the world of your community in a different way. This excites the brain and jars it out of complacency.
Speak Candidly With Your Partner - It is natural to want to avoid frank conversations even with those that we are closest to. Candid conversations make us vulnerable and open us up to feelings of emotions that we might have suppressed for a long time. That said, these are emotions that we do need to express, and there is no one better to talk to about these types of things than your romantic partner. Remember, they should be there for you no matter what you are going through. Speaking candidly with them is a great way for you and your partner to develop a growth mindset in your relationship.

Making changes is never easy, and it is never done overnight. A growth mindset is so ideal because it is difficult to attain. You should expect that reorienting the entire course of your life and mindset will take a lot of time and practice, and you are likely to make many mistakes along the way. The important thing is that you strive each day to make a small amount of progress. Celebrate the small wins, and understand that just by choosing to view things differently, you are choosing to be a better person both for yourself and for your partner.

We hope that you have enjoyed the information provided here and are hungry for more. If that sounds like you, please see this Couple Goal Digital Workbook for the very latest on growth mindsets and how to reach for them.