Preparing For Partnership - 10 Ways To Create A Happy Marriage

‘…for better or worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.’ These are words of true hope and faith in each other. They are the spoken commitments you make to each other and to the future you intend to share together. As you walk hand in hand back down the aisle together, it might feel something of an ‘arrival’ moment. You’ve made it - you’re married! Many congratulations to you both. Wondering what comes next? We are often bombarded with dreamy images of weddings online.

Our newsfeeds drip-feed idyllic beach unions and beautifully lit confetti moments. But how often do we see the ‘real-life’ images of marriage once the bouquet has been thrown to the next prospective bride and the gifts have long since been unwrapped?

Here are 10 ways to create a happy marriage long beyond saying ‘I do’:

1. Remain authentically you. Your partner fell for you for a good reason. We all grow and develop over time, but the core of who we are should not be overlooked in the long term. Continue to celebrate the aspects of each other that you most adore to encourage a sense of value for you both. This, above all, will keep your relationship in a vital shared spotlight.

2. Build a specific time together. You might see each other every day if you live together after you marry. But are you setting aside quality time to enjoy together? Marking out date nights and hours of the day that are just for spending time together can make a significant difference to enjoying a continuing sense of bond.

3. Listen to each other. This doesn’t mean asking how your partner’s day was while absentmindedly scrolling through your newsfeed. Even the busiest of schedules should allow for dedicated time spent hearing one another. Doing so will save a huge amount of potential conflict further down the line.

4. Embrace conflict. To be clear, this is not about seeking out a dispute. That would not be advisable! This is about not shying away from your disagreements with one another through deflection, projection, or escape tactics. When issues arise, deal with them together. Don’t let negative feelings fester as they will only escalate and overwhelm you later on.

5. Identify each other’s love needs. We all understand what love looks like and feels slightly differently. Our views are typically drawn what we experienced in childhood. For some, love was demonstrated with gifts and thoughtful sentimentality. For others, love might have been shown through caregiving and the provision of a secure, safe home environment for us to grow up in. Get to know how and when you each need love shared with in order to better support one another’s feelings.

6. Offer forgiveness. We all make mistakes in moments of exhaustion, stress, overwhelm, and any other moment of clarity loss. As long as these mistakes are not threatening to the ultimate wellbeing of the relationship - such as infidelity or abuse - then employ forgiveness to maintain healthy forward motion together. Learn from your mistakes in order to grow together rather than apart.

7. Focus on potentials, not problems. Instead of fretting over what could go wrong in your relationship or your shared life together, try to focus instead on the positive aspects of each situation. When we have been hurt in the past, it can be tempting to feel the same might happen again. Overcoming past trauma involves embracing the idea of change, and this is vital to the future of your marriage that you embrace it where and when you can.

8. Be each other’s priority. You might be married, but that doesn’t mean that you can start to take one another for granted. Paperwork doesn’t equate to closeness! Marriage is a continual process of rediscovering one another gradually. Find ways to make each other feel special - it could be as small as leaving a note when you head out to work early or making them a plate of food on a busy home office day. Be creative, be mindful, and enjoy fulfilling your roles together.

9. Keep an eye on intimacy. Every couple has their own rhythm when it comes to sex, including how regularly you have it. Make sure that sex doesn’t fall to the bottom of your priority list. It is much more difficult to revitalize sexual connection than it is to maintain it. It doesn’t have to be full-blown sex every night - a sexy kiss here, and a little physicality there really can go a long way.

10. Walk hand in hand. Every year of your life is inevitably going to be different from the last. This is the joy of life, including all its unexpected surprises. Don’t get caught up in the smaller obstacles by keeping your shared focus on the bigger picture. Health and wellbeing are a priority. Whether or not you have hit your savings target or paid off your credit card quite yet is not. Love is the answer, always. Weddings are a new beginning, not a euphoric moment of epiphany. It should mark the next step of a shared journey rather than the peak life moment that it is sometimes made out to be. In fact, it’s the chapters that come after the wedding that can be the most nourishing and enjoyable of all. This is where the shared adventure truly begin