Relationship Check-ins: Why They Matter and Questions To Ask for Relationship Health
Whether you are married or in a long-term, committed relationship, you need clear communication to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. Unfortunately, it's all too easy for communication to fall by the wayside. Busy schedules and lazy habits can quickly get in the way, you miss relationship check-ins, and you may suddenly realize that you haven't had the chance to share with your partner the way you intended.
Regular check-ins can help eliminate those challenges and make it easier for you to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. Furthermore, they can lead to a deeper sense of connection as they offer the opportunity to chat about your feelings, your needs, and your wants.
What Are Relationship Check-Ins?
Relationship check-ins—which can also be called marriage meetings, relationship checkups, or couples check-ins—are a specific time dedicated to talking about the state of a relationship. These conversations, unlike other chats with your partner, are completely focused on the relationship itself. You should have each other's full attention, with no distractions or other activities going on at the same time. That makes it the perfect time to talk about any delicate issues that you may not have had the chance to bring up previously.
Start dedicating time to your relationship today. | Photo by Alex Green from Pexels
Check-ins don't have to be long conversations, either. They can start with as little as 10 minutes, though they may go up to as much as two hours if they turn into a more in-depth discussion.
How often you have a relationship check-in with your partner is up to you. Some couples arrange to have a night every week to sit down and chat with one another. Others find that biweekly or monthly check-ins work best for their needs. Choose a schedule that works for you!
The key is consistency: when you know that there's a check-in coming up, you're better prepared to discuss those key concerns with your partner.
Scheduling Relationship Check-Ins With Your Partner
Many couples grapple with the issue of communication. Often, it's difficult to start something new, especially if it feels as though you're criticizing or complaining about the current state of your relationship.
Introduce the idea to your partner. Discuss the concept of a regular check-in and ask your partner how they feel about it.
Find a time and location (and stick to it). You may be tempted to put off those check-ins or to fill those hours with something else. Sticking to what you've agreed to, however, tells your partner that they are your priority.
Get rid of distractions. Put away your phones, turn off the television, and be present in the moment. If you have kids, make sure they're in bed or find a babysitter to keep them for a little while.
Treat the time as sacred. Do not schedule other things over the top of that time or allow them to get in the way.
Avoid arguments or fights. These check-ins are not the time to argue with your partner but rather a chance to work on your relationship.
Focus on solutions, not problems. If there's a serious issue, you can have a more in-depth conversation later.
Once relationship check-ins become a regular part of your routine, you may find that you're more likely to look forward to them—and that the overall state of your relationship improves.
Make your relationship check ins intentional and sacred — set up a special space to connect. | Photo by Ron Lach
Ready to Get Your Relationship Check-ins Started?
Try out these questions.
1. What can I do to make you feel happy and appreciated?
Keep in mind that this isn't about sharing a long list of big things that could make your partner feel overwhelmed. Instead, try listing simple things that could make a big difference in your overall happiness. Mention some of the things your partner got right in the previous week, whether it was loading the dishwasher or spending some time chasing the kids so you could rest.
You may also want to talk about something you can do in the upcoming week that will bring your partner joy. Would they appreciate a date night out? A special dinner? A visit with friends or family? Not only will this give you a chance to bring joy to your partner, it will give you a better idea of what they have coming in the near future.
2. What do you want to accomplish together in the future?
When you are in a relationship, you are part of a team. That means not only personal goals and ambitions, but also couple goals that you'll work toward together. Maybe you want to build a family, buy a home, or start a business together. Perhaps your goal is to focus on a shared hobby, or to work toward an exciting, adventurous vacation. Talk to your partner about those goals and work out a plan that will help you reach them together.
3. What do you love most about our relationship?
There are a lot of things that you love about your partner. However, in the busy requirements of daily life, it can be easy for those things to be forgotten. Focusing on the positive can help you embrace your love for your partner. Furthermore, talking about what you love most about your partner can help you understand where your relationship needs to grow.
4. How do you feel about our sex life?
Sex can be an intense topic of discussion for many couples. Not only does it open the doors to criticism, it can create a level of discomfort, especially if your sex drives are out of sync. However, it is crucial to communicate your desires in bed so that you and your partner can improve and enjoy your sex life. Sex is often at the core of a relationship: something that you share with your partner alone. Both parties deserve to feel supported and fulfilled in that area. With regular conversation, you can grow more comfortable sharing your dreams, desires, and fantasies--all of which can lead to a higher level of mutual fulfillment.
5. What do you need more of from me?
For a relationship to work, both partners have to be willing to give to each other. While there will always be times when things are not necessarily in balance, it's critical to make time for your partner and your partner's needs, even during the busiest of days and seasons. Don't let daily stresses get in the way of taking care of your partner's needs! Make sure to ask them what it is that they need most. Do they need more of your time? More touch and cuddling? More appreciation? Does your partner thrive when you offer them compliments? Ask what your partner may need more of and how you can provide it--then make a genuine effort to set aside that time. Keep in mind that people often experience love in different ways, and that communicating love effectively to your partner means focusing on the way they receive love, not the way you do.
6. Are there resentments you are holding on to that we need to address?
If there is any anger or bitterness that you're holding on to toward your partner, or that your partner is holding toward you, relationship check-ins are the ideal time to address it. The longer you keep bad feelings toward each other inside, the more it can interfere with every area of your relationship. During your check-ins, on the other hand, you have the opportunity to work through those issues, solve them, and forgive.
Keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes, and that forgiveness is at the core of your relationship and connection to one another.
7. Are we learning from our mistakes?
While everyone certainly does make mistakes, you should learn from them and take steps to avoid repeating them in the future. When you've done something to hurt or upset your partner, you don't want to repeat it! Take the time, during your check-in, to reflect on where things went wrong in the past and what you can do to avoid making those mistakes again in the future.
Communicate with Your Partner More Easily
Communicating with your partner is essential for a healthy relationship. Our relationship cards provide a fun and structured way to enhance your conversations, making regular check-ins enjoyable and effective. Ready to deepen your connection and enjoy meaningful moments together? Check out our Relationship Check In Cards and start building a deeper, more playful connection with your partner today.
Check out Our Relationship Check In Conversation Cards
Elevate your love with a conversational card deck crafted with relationship therapy practices turned into a casual, positive dialogue that can be as short as 5 minutes or as long as you want.
You’ll get:
52 Cards featuring a growth mindset, and open-ended questions that cover topics like Vision, Reflection, Intimacy, and Sex
How to Play Guidebook
Bonus: Digital Mini Relationship Guidebook filled with only the best relationship advice and practices we’ve curated over 5 years of research.
