Summit Survey Series Alpha(1/5):What’s The One Thing You Wish You Knew BEFORE Getting Married
Welcome to the Summit Survey Series - it's great to have you here with us!
During this series, we are exploring the questions answered by people you wanted to solve it. Each article will explore the statements and the solutions that could be applied in your relationship. We conducted this detailed survey to find the answers to your questions with the results to provide further resources that will genuinely help you. You can read through all five articles or dive straight into the topic that best suits your current concerns. All the question articles can be found under 'Research' 'Blog' or searching for 'Summit Survey Series' on the Blog search bar.
If you are interested in viewing more detailed information about the study, the files are available listed below:
The Quantitative Report (PDF) | The Report Keynote Summary (PDF) | The Raw Data (xlsx)
Question 1 of 5: What’s The One Thing You Wish You Knew BEFORE Getting Married
Answered by: 132 Married American individuals.
The very first question we asked in our online survey was what you wish you knew before marriage occurred. If you were one of the people who answered the survey, then I’m so glad you’re here to continue sharing your presence. If you have clicked on this article as someone newly engaged or you just came with some curiosity about what married couples shared then you’re in the right place. We have gathered signing findings and this is the spot to learn of the wisdom others have offered.
From the answers we gathered, there is one answer that arose again and again. This particular area actually ties in with the wider statistics we found on causes for divorce also. The issue we’re referring to?
Money and finance!
Survey users told us that this specific issue was something they didn’t bank on being too much of a problem but that was actually a significant challenge the further they ventured into their marriages.
“I wish we had saved money before marrying”
was one direct quote.
“I wish we hadn’t blown money on a big wedding, and chosen a more intimate format”
was another.
“I wish I knew before how to budget money to avoid fights” was the theme of many of the replies we read through.
Itwas clear to us that this was certainly a specific issue that needed some forethought before matrimony took place, for many reasons.
Money itself is not a problem. Not having a good understanding of it is where the issues tend to arise. If conversations aren’t held between two people before they enter into a committed relationship together than their partnership could become problematic. Money stress is extremely (and rapidly) very depleting. It can cause severe conflict between even the strongest of partners and lead to deeper damage over time.
To avoid this issue, it is a good idea to apply the golden rule of relationship building - truth! Be honest with your partner about your financial concerns, your fears, and your future plans. Talk openly together about what you prioritise in life and what you expect to spend your money on in the short and long term future. Share your past experiences of finance to help your partner understand your perspective in the future. Doing so will avoid many potential issues later on.
The second most common response to our first survey question was that of how hard marriage can really be. Our survey responders shared with us that they didn’t realise that the relationship would take some further work on a consistent basis and that this was more effort than they expected. The general consensus was that it was important to pick out someone who was the right match, to both aide overcoming and to make all that hard work well worth it.
Don’t be too concerned by these results, if the words ‘hard work’ are starting to provoke cold feet for you. Bear in mind that every individual identifies what is difficult differently to another person. Furthermore, relationships are unique to each other. How one person defines the experience will be different to the next person. This is very human and extraordinarily normal.
The genuine truth is that with the right person hard work becomes development and progress. Those arguments become opportunities to grow closer. Days of challenge become chances for change for the better! If you are with the wrong person, that is truly where the ‘hard work’ lies. That is where true exhaustion is experienced, which can be very harmful to your self esteem and your level of joy in life.
Fundamentally, never lose sight of the fact that marriage is personal space for two people to grow together. Not just to grow old together, as romantic as the notion is, but to grow as individuals in support of one another. Marriage is essentially two very best friends promising to take great care of each other as they explore life by each other’s side. It’s about balance. It’s grown from genuine kindness. It is cultivated from a belief in better.
The fact you are here reading these words demonstrates your willingness to make your prospective or current marriage work - and to flourish. Get to know each other as you get to know more about yourself. Stay curious about the potential of your relationship, wherever it may lead you in life. Have each other’s backs, and try not to get too caught up in the small stuff. Bills and debt can wait for a moment - make each other your’s wellbeing your first priority and the rest will fall far more easily into place.
No one ever said marriage would be easy. But my goodness is the experience worth it, when you sign up with the right person. Choose someone you can love for a lifetime, and adventure with far beyond the wedding aisle. This is your pathway to lead as you wish. Enjoy the journey.
