Summit Survey Series Alpha(3/5): What would you advise newlyweds?
Welcome to the Summit Survey Series - it's great to have you here with us!
During this series, we are exploring the questions answered by people you wanted to solve it. Each article will explore the statements and the solutions that could be applied in your relationship. We conducted this detailed survey to find the answers to your questions with the results to provide further resources that will genuinely help you. You can read through all five articles or dive straight into the topic that best suits your current concerns. All the question articles can be found under 'Research' 'Blog' or searching for 'Summit Survey Series' on the Blog search bar.
If you are interested in viewing more detailed information about the study, the files are available listed below:
The Quantitative Report (PDF) | The Report Keynote Summary (PDF) | The Raw Data (xlsx)
Question 3 of 5: What would you advise newlyweds?
Answered by: 132 married individuals
Thank-you for joining us once again, for the third instalment of our Summit Survey Series. What have you learned so far from our last two articles? As relationship experts, the general consensus that surrounds acceptance and unconditional love is really encouraging. These two aspects are often overlooked or missing from the conversations had regarding marriage. This next question extended beautifully from the concepts raised in our first few questions! We asked those already married what advice they would offer newly wed couples.
Their replies were nothing short of inspiring. Their voices shared ideas of love, communication, joy, union, trust and positivity.
In fact, communication specifically was one of the most spoken about elements that rose from the collective opinion.
According to one respondent,
“communication is the key to success”.
Their words speak of the magnitude communication has in a marital relationship, and of its true power in this context. Another reply described the best advice they could offer newlyweds as direction to,
“go to a therapist to aide communication skills.”
This insight follows on from everything we have discovered throughout the rest of this study survey, and indeed the other articles we have shared here.
Communication actually also ties well with the second most popular advice piece that was offered in response to this particular question in the summit survey, which was that of work. Not career work, or physical labour. The kind of true, authentic workmanship that is integral to a developing relationship and the ongoing wellbeing of the two people involved in the marital relationship. When we hear the word ‘work’ in relation to love, some negative connotation may surface. It can often be associated with uphill struggle, or exhaustion. This doesn’t - and shouldn’t - be the case in the context of marriage. The kind of work that is important to long term romantic success is more about the offering of energy to another person, and a sense of committed generosity running through those efforts in direct support of each partner. There is a distinct difference between running on the spot and moving purposefully towards a common goal. This is where the more detailed recommendations from our survey responses come in. One response described making a relationship work involving,
“working things out together and never going to bed angry with each other.”
Another married spouse suggested being,
“emotionally invested, and not leaving all the responsibility to one person only.”
These two replies certainly run in harmony with one another, in their positive perspective! We also received a reply that provided rich food for thought:
“Marriage won’t always be bliss. Yelling solves nothing. Time spent apart is just as important as time spent together. Don’t judge any negative kinks, pet peeves, or bad habits they might have. Oh, and silent treatment doesn’t work! If neither one of you is willing to step up and work a little, then you’re not going to make it.”
This full answer is rich with advice that newlyweds can benefit from. This authentic statement is clearly rooted from close personal experience and direct perspective. These words are packed with belief in the potential of a marriage that is founded on the kinds of generous care and openness we have explored within this article and the previous two also. The final sentence that refers to the willingness to work at the relationship is particularly impactful - for good reason! Because of course we are all here, having this specific conversation, because we believe marriage can work. We conducted this survey study with your online community from a genuine curiosity along with a deep belief in the positive potential of love and relationships. This is why you are here reading these words, and why we have spent the time and energy collecting them together for you! Love is always going to be the ultimate answer in life - sometimes it just takes a little (shared) exploration and discovery to work out how to harness its true powers when we are given the opportunity to do so. Natural attraction and hormonal chemistry accounts for a great deal of how relationships begin in the first place. But without further personal development work, as we touched on earlier, the relationship is being left to chance and circumstance. You likely already invest your time, money, interest and energy into other areas of your life such as your career and your hobbies. Why not apply the same educational investment logic to your marriage and relationship experiences? Why not invest in what could become your very best asset in life? Which is what this survey and this episodic written series is all about, of course! As our astute responder described earlier, not every moment of your marriage is going to be utter bliss. But that doesn’t mean it is not enjoyable, or that it isn’t going to lead you experiences of bliss you hadn’t even imagined or thought of yet. Sometimes our ‘idea’ of what marital bliss really is can hold us back from realising what we actually are standing in the centre of. Take a moment to stop and look around you. You might be standing amongst more bliss than you realised - you just haven’t seen it yet!
