How to Build Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship
Intimacy encompasses more than just sex. A fulfilling relationship means both parties feel accepted, heard, and understood by their partner.
Building emotional intimacy in any relationship is crucial for it to survive and thrive. If you're feeling a bit disconnected from your partner, here are several ways you can strengthen the connection.
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How to tell if there's a lack of emotional intimacy?
A good level of emotional intimacy can be different for everyone. However, if you're not getting enough in your relationship, you might be feeling:
Distant from your partner
Unfulfilled by the relationship
Constantly misunderstood and unheard
That you would rather get advice and input from someone else
Like there's no point in communicating what you want anymore
What is emotional intimacy?
The basis of emotional intimacy is trust. Sharing your deepest fears, regrets, thoughts, and being completely vulnerable with someone else is scary. However, these are all crucial elements for building a solid emotional connection.
Emotional intimacy is classified as a closeness between two people who feel secure and safe with each other. This seems easy enough, but when applied in a real-life situation, many of us have barriers that make it hard to share our feelings and emotions with another.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't worry. The process of sharing your innermost thoughts doesn't come easy for many. Building emotional intimacy might seem like a piece of cake for those who are more expressive and in touch with their feelings. However, if you were raised to hide your emotions, being vulnerable and open in relationships might feel completely alien.
Also, note that a healthy, emotionally intimate relationship is reciprocal. This means equal trust and communication, not unloading an emotional burden on someone while dismissing their thoughts and feelings.
If you want to increase the intimacy in a relationship, here are three effective techniques you can implement into your communication style.
1. Express yourself
Opening up completely to someone else can be incredibly scary. It's easy to assume that your partner doesn't care about what you have to say, but these assumptions are often our perceptions and don't actually reflect the situation.
Expressing yourself fully means telling people what you really think and feel, not what you think they want to hear. When you aren't authentic about your feelings to your partner, this can create awkward tensions and develop feelings of distrust within the relationship.
We get it; being emotionally vulnerable is anxiety-provoking. When you bare your deepest insecurities to someone else, you feel like you're opening yourself up to judgment and criticism. A great way to combat this is to put yourself in your partner's shoes. How would you feel if they told you something incredibly vulnerable? I'm sure the last thing on your mind would be to judge them!
Being expressive takes practice. You can start incorporating more of this into your daily routine by practicing in front of the mirror or with close friends. Own your emotions without explaining or reasoning it out by using statements that start with: "I feel," "I want," and "I need."
2. Be patient and supportive
Being supportive of your partner through good and bad times is another crucial element of building a strong emotional connection. Everyone loves to be heard and understood. If your partner has been going through a lot recently and needs an extra shoulder to lean on, be there for them.
Showing support doesn't have to mean doing their work for them or planning a whole day of activities to get their mind off their struggles. Often, all that's needed is a listening ear and validation of their feelings.
Another thing to ask is what type of support your partner is looking for. Some partners like having brainstorming sessions to figure out the best way forward, while others are simply looking for empathy from the other person. When this isn't clarified, you might offend your partner by offering to solve the problem as they may feel criticized.
This ties in with being patient. Our upbringing, close family and friends, and other external factors will affect our communication style. It's important to understand that your partner is different from you and needs to be understood in their unique way.
3. Commit to making changes
While this doesn't mean changing every aspect of yourself to please the other person, taking onboard constructive criticism and changing certain problematic behaviors is essential.
For example, if a significant strain in your relationship is you constantly being on your phone and becoming distracted when your partner is trying to communicate, acknowledge the issue and figure out a game plan on how you can change it. We've all heard the famous phrase: actions speak louder than words. By committing to changing habits or personality traits that negatively impact the relationship, you're sending a clear message to your partner that their feelings are valid.
Likewise, don't be afraid to identify and acknowledge behaviors in your partner that negatively affect the relationship. Emotional intimacy means being completely open, so make it a priority to air your concerns once in a while.
Our personal self-development can sometimes take the backseat when we get comfortable in a relationship. Let your partner know that constructive criticism doesn't need to be seen as a personal attack but a way to grow and improve as a person. Getting feedback once in a while from your partner is key to building and maintaining a strong relationship.
The bottom line
Emotional intimacy is known as the "glue" that holds a relationship together. Trust and communication are integral parts of any partnership and are the baseline of a strong emotional connection.
If you're looking to build more emotional intimacy with your partner, know that you're not alone. An emotionally fulfilling relationship takes work, but it's always worth it.
